Sleeping Through Denial

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Your nightly dreaming may be closer to reality than your waking hours.

[752 words]

By the time you hit your 30s you have plenty of time to vet all the common advice:

“Work” towards your dream career, “search” for someone to love you, “quest” for worldly experiences, and “find” your passions.

All of them carried the same goal: Try to get something out of life that will make you feel better than you were before. To “think” one thing is “good” because of how it feels when you finally obtain it. 

Yeah, and it’s utter bullshit.

By that logic they should also recommend doing anything else that feels great every day of the week. But we don’t place simple experiences like eating and sleeping up there in same tier. We instead make the prize of our lives these ideals of our future. And recommend forgoing time, money, friends, and family to capture these and only these exact tingles.

Why do we settle on a few archetypes of achievements as “worthwhile lifelong goals” and cupcakes as a temporary delight? Why do all the people who obtain said goals say they’re “happy” and “better” than before? Why do we default to these visions as superior to our current lives?

Because we as humans are experts at rationalizing lie into truth.

Those searches only feel redeeming at the end because you wasted a decade of pain only to finally allow yourself to think you made it. I’m sure the only reason you’d hit yourself on the head with a hammer is because it feels so relieving when you actually stop. The present always changes our perspective on the past. Melody only makes sense when you hear the entire sequence of notes, and all your “life regrets” were realized in whole not during but only after they occurred. The way we interpret the past by feeling the contrast of the present is no different.

And as we manufacture pain to spin into pleasure this delusional advice continues to spread.

Then the moment you achieve your goal it suddenly isn’t satisfying. Since your identity is driven by linear progression, what was ceiling before is now floor. And that floor only exists because you decided to create a ceiling in the first place. The cycle now repeats because you “think” you didn’t get it this time but you’re close. Your lie continues. Even more, all those achieved yet “almost there” feelings aren’t cumulative because unlike the weight you gain from cupcakes, they’re not based in reality.

They’re something you created in your mind.

Since all these concepts start and end with you (or even worse someone else’s opinion) they’re never tangible. Concepts, due to the nature of language, are man-made, limited in truth, and just like civil rights, change with society’s opinion. Attaching yourself to language-based ideas of who and what you should want and need ironically leaves you at the mercy of one individual you probably rarely believe in, don’t truly like, and worst of all, whom has yet to accept all this shit doesn’t matter:   

Yourself.

So why not live the life you’ve been dreaming of for so long. The one where you wake up and for once accept you already “made it.” Just stop grasping a mental identity which consists of annotated memories of your past, urges of what others believe humans should “possess” for their futures, and the sad belief that this precise moment we’re now sharing is somehow lacking from what you think “it could be.”

Let it go.

After all, to hold your breath is to lose your life. There’s nothing wrong with letting it all go. Remember, to live your life is to not only release your breath but also take another one in.

So let it go.  

Chase cupcakes, not dreams of what others biasly think make a happier future. Sure, you’ll get fat over those sweets. But you won’t be wasting man’s most limited resource: your time. And you won’t be handing over an even more valuable trait to complete strangers who’ll never have your back during the inevitable knife fight: your independence.   

Perhaps you’ve read when you stop talking so much you’re able to listen. And when you stop listening so much you can now think for yourself. What they don’t tell you is when you stop thinking so goddamn much you’re able to focus your eyes’ attention on what has been neat and square right in front of you this entire time. A pretty cool place where everyone and everything you need, especially that special cupcake, is already there:  

real life

Image credit: deadgirls