It Takes a Thought to Feel One


Navel gazing, like acting selfish, is usually frowned upon. But if it’s so bad, then why do people think it will make them feel so good?

[647 words]

There’s a flip side to everything

For however you polish your pride from your career

You’re spending the same amount of time not working at a better, more rewarding, and more meaningful line of work

For however you share joy from your friends and lovers

You’re spending the same amount of time not dealing with your own shit, balancing your health, and finding people who actually need your help

Now it’s easy to criticize these reversals as drastic “negative” comparisons all too “conceptualized” and unrealistic to make conventional conversation

But you must understand the worth of your accepted monetary, intellectual, and social possessions are actually based on fully “conceptualized” and unrealistic “positive” comparisons

You value “more” because it’s “more” than below it or allows you “more” options for future happenings

You may need a certain amount of salary beyond required living but that’s because you mentally chose you needed that amount beyond required living

You value “better” because it makes you feel “better” than before it or because anyone or anything is “better” than no one or no thing

You may need said friends and said lovers but that’s because you mentally chose you needed these people in your life

These comparisons don’t exist in reality because they’re symbols of supposed human emotional needs and wants

They’re based in your mind and often defined by the herd’s judgement you assume as truth

You may “feel something” like an emotional want but in the end you still mentally decided to turn it into a conceptual need, usually “more” or “better” than before

You just assumed the “higher” symbol always equates to a “better” human being

And little did you know your perfectly suitable “positive” comparison only makes logical sense and definition by implying its own “negative” shadow of a fearsome companion

A single “bad” starting point you desperately avoid by running, working, and loving the other way

Just like any overpriced clothing or other fancy bourgeois lifestyle upgrade (trust me, I know), no 9-5, storied status, or fanciful friends really change who you are

You’re still stuck with your flabby gut, wind sore lungs, and computerized creased face

You’re still stuck with less time than what you’d want, more stress than what you’d want, and that reoccurring vacuous ache which appears as your new show wraps up, new salary runs out, or new lover departs

While the effort and struggle required for such imaginary achievements may improve your wellbeing, simply having those “things” alone don’t physically change you

They just mentally change you because you first “thought” they could

And they only feel good when you dedicate your entire attention and five senses to feeling good about them at that precise moment

They’re oddly absent in your mind’s eye and body’s feeling when you’re doing every other thing in life requiring your attention and five senses such as driving, talking, or messin’ around

Now ask yourself

Do you permanently feel better with your respected pedestal of status and monetary security or just momentarily feel better when you purposely compare it’s above what you were before?

Do you permanently feel happier after all these dedicated years of romantic socializing or just momentarily feel better when you purposely compare you’re not like “him” or “her” ?

I know you don’t

Because “good” feelings and “security” aren’t banks or even restaurants

They’re buffets for the addicts of conceptual consumption

So maybe the answer is this shit doesn’t really work and won’t solve all your problems

What do you do then?

You can, at least, with this acknowledgement, truthfully and knowingly eliminate the one major lie that’s been masquerading as a cure your entire life

That corrupt hope that we humans can mentally achieve a daily state consistently feeling “better”

than what you’re already blessed to physically feel

in this very real, very poor, and forever alone

moment of today

normal life